By Melissa Slocum

Earlier this year reports surfaced alleging that pop star Chris Brown had assaulted his girlfriend and fellow pop star Rihanna. The incident, which resulted in criminal charges against Brown, has sparked a national discussion of sorts about domestic abuse and dating violence. Oprah, for her part, devoted two shows to these issues—one during which she interviewed men who had a history of abusing women. Fans of both singers have jumped into the discussion. Some of Brown’s fans have dismissed or defended the singer’s alleged behavior, even making crude jokes such as “Don’t make me mad or I’ll Chris Brown you!” Others have suggested callously that Rihanna brought the abuse upon herself or that the incident wasn’t a big deal because hitting and fighting is normal in relationships.

Despite increased efforts to educate people about domestic abuse and dating violence, one in three teenagers have experienced or will experience abuse in a relationship (2005 survey, Teenage Research Unlimited, commissioned by Liz Claiborne, Inc., sponsor of www.loveisrespect.org). Though most reported cases are girls, increasing numbers of boys are reporting abuse. Even more disturbing is that nearly eighty percent of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abusers.

Survivors of dating violence often identify low self-esteem as a reason for staying in abusive relationships. Thus healthy friendships and faith communities are important in fighting and preventing abuse. Caring friends remind one another of their worth and dignity, listen patiently to one another, and help one another recognize when they’re being abused.

As Christians we understand that all human beings are broken and that abusive relationships are nothing new. Scripture is rife with abusive and unhealthy relationships. Consider Abraham handing over Sarah to King Abimelech (see Genesis 20:1-18), King Ahasuerus’s dethroning of Queen Vashti when she refused to submit to him (see Esther 1:10-20), and Amnon’s rape of his half-sister Tamar (see 2 Samuel 13:1-22). But God’s Word also gives us guidelines for healthy relationships. Leviticus 19:18 tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves, a command that Jesus later says is second only to loving God (see Mark 12:28-31). In Romans Paul instructs us to build up one another (see 15:2). In Ephesians he teaches that “husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies” (5:28) and that wives should likewise respect their husbands. Song of Solomon paints a picture of a romantic relationship in which two people are bound by mutual love and admiration. And while people have used Scripture to justify relationships in which one person has power over another, Jesus consistently rebukes these power structures by challenging those in authority and lifting up those who are abused or marginalized.

Abuse and dating violence can be difficult topics to discuss with youth. Statistically it is likely that one or more of the youth in your group has been or will be abused in a relationship. But it is important to open up conversation on this topic, not only to help youth identify the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships but also to lift up ways in which Christian communities can help people avoid, escape, and recover from abuse. Many adolescents have a tendency to separate their faith from other aspects of their lives, including dating and relationships. Those who work with Christian youth need to show them that Scripture affirms mutual love, respect, and honor in relationships and help them see ways in which God is at work in healthy relationships.

From the April 26, 2009 issue of LinC (Living in Christ), available by download April 22, 2008.